BarbTalk

I’m beginning to understand why I don’t write much, lo these many months.

light and air and time and space

Yeah, it’s a crap excuse, it’s not an excuse at all, and I’m not using it. I’ve been writing seriously for 27 years (dear god) and I’ve done it in all kinds of circumstances and situations. I can do it anywhere. But…. (more…)

Tonight at dinner, Stephanie looked at me. Stephanie looked at me and I realized that I don’t know what I look like anymore.

I never used to know. I knew the shape of my eyebrows and the frizz of my hair, and my eyes. I’ve always known my eyes. I knew all the parts, but the whole of me was something I didn’t look at…not in mirrors, not in photos, not in any way. (more…)

I’ve got a pile of poetry growing on my desk. I don’t think much of any of it really, not sure any of it is finished and I think all of it is somewhat sideways of the spot I’m aiming for, but it is poetry nonetheless.

It’s good to have something alive flowing from me, keeping me awake. I’d rather go to bed. This is so very different, wanting to go to bed because I actually want to be there instead of holding myself awake to the point of collapse so that I won’t notice alone when I get there.

So, it’s poetry, which I haven’t been showing to anybody, even myself really, mostly because I don’t think it’s very good, but also because most of it is angsty and angst is one of those things that seems to rub off and stick to other people like that nasty black stuff in SpiderMan 3 or that god-awful perfumy stuff they use in public bathrooms. (more…)

I see the same thing in all of these. If you can see it, also, you’ll understand more about me than I could ever tell you.

Euphony

Lisa Gerrard

Prayer Shawl

Inside This Shell of Mine

Fallen Caryatid

Cicatrix

Freeform Knitting and Crochet

Especially vanilla chai with eggnog in it. Also Cher, Joni Mitchell, my poetry, my children and my self. I’m not just the hero of my own story, I am my own salvation. (more…)

I will stay awake.

I won’t stop writing.

I will honor my re-discovered self.

I will eat.

I will stay open.

I will live the question.

I won’t forget.

I’m in love with a guy who says “It’s not love if it’s not tragic.”

This explains a few things. (more…)

Lifting weights is freakin’ awesome. I kinda forgot.

I’m not quite sure why I so enjoy picking up heavy rocks over and over again, but I love it. Immensely.

I also discovered that it’s possible to see hills from the third floor of the Y!!! Hills aren’t mountains, but they help. (more…)